


Wannabe

by SkaterCheese



Category: Inanimate Insanity (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Pepper is a colorful little thing and so is Salt, Present Tense, Unrequited Love, cross-posted from Wattpad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkaterCheese/pseuds/SkaterCheese
Summary: "Is today a special day, or is it like any other day?"This is the question Pepper asks herself every day, and the answer is always contradictory; every day is a special day when you can be BCFFs with Salt, after all, whether or not you can confess the purely-incidental little detail that you've fallen hard for her.When a rare opportunity to make her presence known arises, can Pepper take it?(Originally written in 2017, adapted from a roleplay I partook in.)
Relationships: OJ/Salt (Inanimate Insanity) (unrequited), Pepper & OJ (Inanimate Insanity), Pepper/Salt (Inanimate Insanity)
Kudos: 20





	1. If You Want my Future, Forget my Past

“Okay, Pepper. It’s just one day. It’s the same as any other day.”

It’s a bold-faced lie, and Pepper knows it. It could be the most important day of her life, like any day could be… and, as usual, she knows it so well it hurts.

She takes a deep breath.

_‘Okay, so, like, an itinerary. Whatever Salty-Salt wants, I’m prepared for it. We could go to a concert, or go on a walk, or a picnic. It’d be all Salt’s choice, of course. And then, at the right moment… Bam. I might confess.’_

It’s like any other day in that it’s special. It’s not like she ever looks in the mirror and tells herself she _won’t_ confess the way her heart races.

_‘Of course, maybe it’s because I figured she knew for such a long time. Then she went and picked him, and… ugh.’_

Is it really a lie or not? ...Ugh.

She leaves the hotel bathroom and looks around the hotel lobby. Bomb is playing video games against Pickle and winning, the Cherries and Cheesy are huddled together in a corner, and Yin-Yang is shouting while cleaning snot.

It’s certainly looking like a special day.

“Oh hey! Pepper! You should, like, join me in the tub, darling!” Water swirls around Salt and runs down her glass sides, catching off the light above them. Pepper stares for a second, then climbs in beside her. Salt leans back and sighs. “Mmmh, how was your day? My day was great, OJ looked at me~”

 _‘Not HIM again.’_ Pepper bites down the insult that comes to mind and says, “Oh, you’d like to know. The day’s young, but I think today’s a day to leave the hotel and get a change of scenery.”

“Oh… I’d rather stay here… I see OJ over there and I think this is a nice scenery…” Salt locks her hands together and smiles sweetly, staring. “He’s so cute… What do you think, Peppy?”

“He’s okay, but he’s also boring and ugly.”

Salt rolls her eyes. “Oh, you’re just jealous. See, he’s absolutely perfect… and I’m going to marry him one day.”

“No you’re not,” OJ deadpans as he passes.

“Aw, he’s in denial, isn’t that cute?” 

_‘How doesn’t she see it? It’s obvious he doesn’t care! ...Sheesh, how’d she react if she knew? It’d either crush her or she wouldn’t care; there’s no, like, in between.’_

_‘That’s a coin toss from heck.’_ Pepper instead thinks of a different response: “Well, maybe you should try to pretend-date someone else to make him jealous, prove that you’re girlfriend material.” _‘Or fall in love with your fake boyfriend, IE me.’_

“...Pfft, that’s so cliche, Pepper. I already know he likes me, why would I go and do a thing like that?”

_‘It was worth a shot.’_

Salt waves at OJ, who completely ignores her. Salt blushes.

Pepper considers pushing the issue and hoping for the best, but opts not to.

“Fine. Good luck with your… _‘boyfriend.’_ ” She enclosed it in air-quotes.

“Are we going to have a problem here?” Salt snarls.

“Uh, no! Not if you don’t _make_ a problem! I’ve never even been on a date, so, like, take what I say with a grain of _salt._ ” She flicks Salt between the eyes.

Salt backs off with a chuckle, much to Pepper’s surprise. “I forgive you for being naive. Come with me, Darling; I’ll show you what _real_ chemistry looks like.”

Salt doesn’t even bother grabbing a towel before she walks off. Pepper pats herself down briefly with one, then runs to catch up with Salt.

Honestly, she’d follow her to the end of the world; following her going into a trainwreck is nothing by comparison.

OJ is reading when they approach. Salt grins radiantly, while Pepper scowls behind her like a shadow. “Ayyo, babe! Can we, like, go on a date today? I know you feel something tooooo...”

“Ugh! You mean like the undeniable urge to vomit? Hey Pepper, do you guys need-”

“Don’t talk to her. Hey OJ, come on, let’s go on a little date. It’ll be fun!”

_‘He’s so boring, I have no clue what she sees in him… but anyone has to be pitied when Salt the determinator wants something from them.’_

(If only Salt liked someone who liked her back. Then she'd be take-over-the-world unstoppable.)

“No! You’re way too forceful; haven’t you caused me enough problems? I’m not interested! I’d rather you went somewhere else.”

“Oh, come on, you don’t mean that.” Her smile drops. “...Do you?”

OJ looks conflicted, as if torn between consoling her and remaining firm. Finally, he says, “I’m sorry.”

Call it BCFF’s intuition, but Pepper can tell Salt’s world is crumbling.

This isn’t a typical disappointment. This is advanced disappointment.

This is rejection.

Salt laughs uneasily.

Pepper doesn’t know how to feel, but it hurts to even watch her hold back her tears, so she interrupts, “Come on, Salt. Let’s… find something else to do.”

Salt just stares at OJ, shifting uneasily. “I… I think I get it now… Uhm, thanks for telling me. I think an ‘I’m not interested’ would have been fine too, though.”

“...I’m… I’m sure there are other people out there interested in dating you, though?” OJ says, awkwardly gesturing around. Most of the eyes in the hotel are on them at this point. “J-just go and find them?”

“...I think I’m done with that at the moment…” Salt replies half-heartedly and finally heeds Pepper, tugging her arm. “Let’s go, Pep.”

Pepper lets herself be pulled along. There’s dead silence between them as Salt leads her… well, somewhere.

_‘Is it normal to have mixed feelings like this? Like… Is feeling happy over this stuff what BCFFs do? ...Maybe?’_

As soon as they step in the elevator, Salt looks down. “...Well, that went so well…”

Pepper feels a surge of pity. _‘...Yeah, maybe I should keep that under wraps. It’s probably not the best day for a love confession, either.’_

A day different from the rest.

“Take all the time you need. But, um, I’m here for you.” Pepper hesitantly gives her a single pat on the shoulder.

“...mhm…” Salt folds her arms and looks away.

“Salty-Salt, it’s okay. There are much better fish in the sea than him, because he’s boring and ugly. You can get Vitamin C from, like, the sun or something.”

_‘It’s not as if I’m much better. If he’s bland, agreeable, and boring, then I’m all that but spiteful. And not a millionaire.’_

The elevator door opens, and they step out. “Mmph, I guess, but I really liked _him._ He was the one there for me when you weren’t, way back in season…”

“It’s not like you couldn’t have visited me on the Island or whatever,” Pepper says, sounding acerbic but not really intending to. She hastily adds, “But that’s all behind us now. He just isn’t worth your time.”

They come to a stop in front of their shared room, the sixth door on the second floor. “Maybe. I’m gonna take a nap to clear my head a little…”

“Okay, I’ll see you later, BCFF.” Pepper makes to leave, but Salt clings to her arm again.

“...Hey this might like, uhm… sound weird or something, and I don’t want you to take the wrong way… but… You wanna maybe take a nap with me? I kinda don’t want to be left alone right-”

“Yep! Nappy BCFFs, NBCFFs, to the end, right?”

Despite Salt’s warning, she’s taking it entirely the wrong way. _‘OMG. A nap with Salty-Salt? Awesome. She’ll probably be crying the whole time, but it’ll be okay because I am her loyal friend. And someday, we’ll be_ married! _’_

Salt looks slightly confused, but chuckles as she fiddles with the room’s key. She grabs Pepper’s hand ( _‘oh God, it’s warm,’_ Pepper thinks) and leads her in.

“See, this can be like, a little sleepover, isn’t that nice?”

“Just like before the show!”

As Pepper shuts the door behind them, Salt falls backwards onto her bed. Its red covers were balled up at one end (unlike Pepper’s pristinely-made blue-covered bed). She pats down a spot beside her. “Come here, Pepper~”

Pepper sits beside her, forcing herself not to smile too widely as Salt lays back, closing her eyes. Pepper is left to look at her and try to get comfortable without a pillow or blanket.

_‘Still, we’ve done this before. Just one nap isn’t going to change anything. Just try and relax… And eventually sleep will come.’_

Several minutes pass before Pepper’s pulse calms, and it’s a bit of a challenge to get to sleep without a pillow and with her legs dangling off the side of the bed. Still, sleep overcomes her within ten minutes.

The only sound in the room is the sound of Salt’s uneven breathing as she quietly contemplates the day’s disappointments.


	2. If You Wanna Get with Me, Better Make it Fast

When Pepper wakes up, she’s initially surprised she managed to get to sleep at all. Why would she nap right after a night of restful sleep?

“Rise and shine, darling.”

Pepper starts a bit at the sound of Salt’s voice. It sounds crackly and hoarse; Pepper turns to face her, and in the process, her hand finds a wet spot on Salt’s pillow. She initially feels a thrill; they’re so close that if she wanted to, she could reach out a hand and touch her face. Not that she’d actually  _ do  _ that, that’d be incredibly rude, but-

_ ‘Oh. Wait.’ _

_ ‘ _ That  _ happened.’ _

The smile that’s started to form immediately drops. “Umm, yeah. Did you sleep okay?”

Salt grins ruefully. “...Mmph, I’ve slept better. But that’s besides the point. You looked sooo peaceful. Did you know you talk? It’s, like… cute.”

_ ‘So she didn't sleep after all.’  _ Pepper makes to glance out the window, but Salt stops her: “It’s still morning. It’s only been, like, an hour, so don’t worry about the time.”

_ ‘It’s only been an hour since my heart’s been broken,’ _ Pepper translates it. “Salt…”

“A-anyway, maybe we should do something else. Get a change of scenery just like you said. I don't really want to be here at  _ his _ hotel...”

“Totally. But first, are you sure there’s nothing you need to talk about? Because it doesn't make you weak to need help.”

Salt bites her lip… and, after moments’ hesitation, she laughs, devoid of mirth. “You know me  _ so  _ well.” She gently sets her hand atop Pepper’s. “Honestly, though, I just… wasn't expecting that from OJ. At all. I don't even... know what to say.” She deflates.

“Girl, there’s no explanation for it other than his own bad taste. You’re a star, he’s a breakfast beverage that can’t compete with coffee OR tea.”

“...I dunno… I always liked my citrus in the morning…”

“That’s only because you haven't really  _ tried _ coffee yet. It’s an acquired taste. It’s dark and  _ very  _ mature.”  _ ‘...Okay, that might be pushing the envelope a little. Time to back off.’ _

She groans. “I hardly even know what to do with myself without OJ to watch... Oh God, I must have been terrible!”

“You weren’t  _ that  _ bad. You get this, like, look in your eyes. Super intense. And it makes me determined to get the things I want, too… even if it’ll never be.”  _ ‘Kind of like your love, for example.’  _ “It’s just a matter of time before you notice that someone  _ really  _ fell for you, right?”

Salt looks at her with renewed interest. “...You really think so? Do you know if any other guys are interested in me…?”

“You're asking that  _ now?! _ You got rejected only, like, an  _ hour _ ago!”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

Pepper crosses her arms. “Dating while you're sad about someone else is  _ super  _ not a good idea! Nobody wants to be a rebound fling. It just won't last if you start it now.”

“But Pep, I’ll get over OJ faster if I have someone  _ new  _ to fawn over! It’s how it works. You've never had a crush before, I know what I’m talking about.”

_ ‘You're kidding me. You’re freaking kidding me.’ _

“There's no harm in finding someone new to like, darling. Just tell me!”

“Um, well, I don’t know about any guys who like you…” She’s careful not to emphasize ‘guys.’ “But I’m sure that a new opportunity is closer than you think.” 

“Oh yeah…? Why do you say so? ...I just really want a love life or something, you know, get a boyfriend who loves me as much as I love him…”

The phrase ‘boyfriend’ makes her stomach feel like a rock. She and Salt have never talked about girls having feelings for each other before. If word got out and she  _ didn't  _ agree…

Would they ever have a sleepover, or chill in the Jacuzzi, again?

It’s dangerous territory, and Pepper knows it. The hand that isn’t in Salt’s is clenched tightly with nerves.

“Well… Salt! I think you should find out for yourself. I-if you have an open mind it’ll work-”

“We can, like, play a game of twenty questions! That way we’re compromising.”

“How is that even compromising? I’m still telling you who might like-”

“That’s where you’re, like, wrong. You wouldn’t actually  _ tell  _ me. I’d figure it out for myself with my genius thinking skills. It’s foolproof.”

_ ‘As if I could say no to you.’  _ Pepper sighed. “Fine. But you only get three questions.”

“Ten.”

“Four.”

“Eight?”

“Five.”

“Fine, I’ll take it.” Salt scoots back and stares into Pepper’s eyes, as if appraising. She blushes a bit.

Pepper’s heart is hammering; she takes her hand out from under Salt’s so she can’t feel her pulse. She keeps her expression as neutral as she can, but it’s always been hard with Salt around.

Salt nods, however an object would nod anyways, and grins. “Are they… uhhh… from season one?”

“Yep, this person was on season one.”  _ ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this…’ _

“...Are they a color in the rainbow?” She thinks of how many contestants aren’t hued, and hums negatively. “Uh, oh, alright… are they a food?”

_ ‘Do spices count as foods…?’  _ Pepper thinks for a long moment. Then she says, “Um, I’m not really sure. It’s something you’d eat.”

Salt raises an eyebrow. “I… Pepper, I’m confused. So they’re from season one, no rainbow colors, but that’d only leave Pickle… Are girls part of this?”

“Does a girl liking a girl freak you out?”

“...Uh…” She kneads the disheveled sheets nervously. “I mean, if it freaks you out, then yes, but I... kinda don’t mind. I kinda think I swing both ways, so…”

“Really? I had no idea, Salt! I guess that just goes to show how cool and awesome you are.” Pepper’s about to combust. There’s NO WAY this is happening. 

_ ‘Maybe I actually have a chance.’ _

“All that said, do you mean it’s Taco? I don’t know how to feel about that…”

“N-not Taco.”

“Anyway, it’s not Marshmallow, is it? Because if it is, I’m gonna have to pass. Marshmallows are gross and she’s, like, a toddler.”

“It’s not her. Anyway, that’s all the questions, let’s move on-”

Pepper stops in her tracks. Salt’s staring at her, biting her lip as if thinking carefully about something.

Salt stares at her for a while and bites down on her lip. She takes a deep breath and looks her in the eyes.

“...That… o-only leaves one person.”

Pepper could crack with nerves. She can almost see her vivid blush reflected on Salt’s surface.

Salt’s eyes widen. “O-oh. Well… Pepper, I...

Pepper looks away. “I-I didn’t mean to go and develop feelings for you... And I don’t want to pressure you into, um, anything, or be your rebound girl… You k-kinda made me say it..”

“Pepper… a-are you being serious right now?”

“Salty-Salt, why would I joke about this? I’m so sorry!”

“...I-I have no idea if I feel the same way… this is really unexpected, Pepper…” Salt hides her face behind her hand as she blushes a deep, roselike color. “...I- wanna try and, uhm, make out, maybe…?”

“Are you sure?” The response is immediate, automatic.

“...I want to try.” Salt gently cups her hands on Pepper’s face and brings her closer. “...d-do you want to-”

Pepper cuts her off with a kiss. Tension seems to leave her body and go right to Salt’s, because she goes stiff; she can tell even with her eyes shut and her hands to herself.

There’s a solid chance that this will be the only time she gets to kiss the love of her life; of  _ course  _ she’d pay attention.

Soon, Salt seems to relax a little, embracing Pepper and pulling her closer. “Mmm…”

After a moment, Salt jerks away with a gasp. She takes a deep breath and leans back in. Their lips go together perfectly, like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, like  _ salt and pepper. _

Pepper gets too into and pushes Salt onto her back, falling on top of her with a sharp “clink!” sound. She breaks away with a gasp, feeling rather jarred. “Whoa,” she breathes. “A-another.” Salt heeds her, pulling her back down. They stumble at first in the new position, Pepper not really knowing where to put her hands and feeling almost too close.

Soon, Salt pushes her away and huffs. “Okay, can we be like a thing now?”

The bed shakes as Pepper gives a little bounce. “Oh-em-gee, YES! Are you sure?”

“Yeah…” Salt grins and sits up before gently smooching her on the forehead. “A-anyway, I guess we’re like... BCGFFs now.”

It feels like they’re going too fast, oh so fast.

But Salt wouldn’t look at her with that much joy if she were still thinking about OJ, right?

“Oh my gosh, that sounds  _ perfect _ .”

“It makes me sooo happy to hear that.” She’s positively beaming. Pepper’s heart gives a leap. “We should totally do something to celebrate.”

“Well, we could go have a picnic…” Pepper motions towards the window. “It’s such a nice day, and I already cut some sandwiches into triangles just the way you like them.”

“Oh!” Both of them look out the window; the sky is a brilliant blue color, and there’s hardly a cloud in it. “It  _ is _ very nice outside… isn’t it? I guess it’s time for a change of scenery after all.”

Pepper eagerly jumps to the floor and pulls a neatly-put-together picnic basket from under her bed. “Let’s go!”

Salt grabs her hand and hums approvingly.

She can’t help but lean in and kiss her cheek as they open the door, just because she  _ can.  _ It feels utterly surreal. So fast it’s like a dream.

“I think you’re about to make my day amazing, Pepper,” Salt mumbles.

She can only hope so. ...Not that there’s an alternative with Salty-Salt, of course.


	3. Now Don’t Go Wasting My Precious Time

Salt’s always been the leader between the two of them, so it’s no surprise that it’s Salt who leads them out of the room, hand in Pepper’s and humming happily.

“How is it that you, like, know just what to say to make my day better every time?”

Pepper can’t stop smiling. “You’ve done it for me so many times; I’m so glad to return the favor…”

Salt squeals and gives a little bounce. “OMG, Pepper! You’re awesome, you’re like the greatest frie… ...No! Girlfriend! The greatest  _ girlfriend _ !”

Pepper froze in place before beaming. “I didn’t even realize that we’re girlfriends now! You’re, like, a genius!”

“Yeah, I like, know this Pepper. You don’t even have to tell me!” Salt gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. “But you can tell me later. We have to go start our picnic as soon as possible!”

Together they run through the hallways of Hotel OJ, and bounce in place on the elevator, Salt clinging to her. They’re acting like kids and it’d be embarrassing on any other day.

_ ‘But today’s not like any other day.’ _

Pepper thinks it’s a bit unfortunate they didn’t meet anyone on their way down to the front of the hotel. Getting to show off her happiness and make every single guest in the hotel feel jealous would have been a great chance to make her day even better.

_ ‘But, no matter. Long as I know it’ll happen eventually…’ _

But anyway, the front of the hotel is where the grass is brightest and the atmosphere’s nicest. Setting up a blanket’s a cinch, because there isn't a single uneven spot on the whole hill. An orange tree shades half the blanket.

Pepper opens the basket and pulls out two sandwiches, handing one to Salt. She takes it with a smile and links their arms.

There they are, sitting close enough for their sides to touch, snacking on delightful sandwiches cut into triangles.

Pepper’s staring at Salt with a tiny little smile and it’s impossible to tear her gaze away. Salt notices and beams. “...I’m gonna show the world my amazing spicy girlfriend…”

Pepper swallows the bite of sandwich she’s chewing and grins.

Salt giggles and eats her scrumptious sandwich. Pepper pays close attention to her posture and, as per BCFF code, she can tell a lot from very little motion. For instance, the way she shuts her eyes after the first bite indicates that she really likes the sandwich. The way her eyebrows raise just a millimeter proves she realizes something. Then she glances back at the sandwich to see that it’s cream cheese and jelly (Salt’s favorite!). She grins over at Pepper affectionately, then daintily continues to eat.

Cream cheese and jelly. Light and dark. Two things that contrast, but invariably work together to maintain harmony in the world.

_ ‘Not unlike salt and pepper, really.’ _

Pepper smirks at the thought.

She munches on her own sandwich as Salt hums quietly to herself, as if spacing out. It’s a song familiar to her in all but name.

It honestly feels like a blissful eternity to be beside Salt like that.

Salt leans into Pepper’s side, much to her surprise. The same boldness with romance that’d been the bane of Pepper’s existence for years is suddenly cause for her to be incredibly thankful.

Pepper feels an arm slip around her. “It’s nice out,” Salt remarks quietly. “If I ever lost all ability to move, I’d want it to be, like, now.”

_ ‘I can’t believe this is happening. This is still probably a dream…’ _

She leans into Salt just because she’s there, and she’s close, and she’s more than a friend. It’s such a privilege to be a BCGFF, to have her to herself. And Salt looks really nice, too, with that little smile that grows more and more.

“...You know what worries me about dating you? We were friends… what if we end up hating each other doing this? I… I just want everything to be okay.”

The perfection of the scene withers in a second. Pepper glares at her. “Y-you aren’t having any, like, second thoughts, are you?” Her stomach drops at the mere thought. “As long as we don’t lose track of what matters, us, we should be the perfect couple. Nobody could ever get between us.”

“...Oh… That’s true. He never even liked me anyways…”

_ ‘Ugh. She can-NOT still be thinking about him, is she? He’s so, like, an hour ago.’ _

Pepper covertly rolls her eyes, then grins. “But it doesn’t matter because we’re BCGFFs and we’re going to be together forever and ever.”

Salt raises an eyebrow. “Forever? I think we should do that- We were like, already super close, but now, we’re even closer… and we love each other. I think it’s a great idea.”

_ ‘“We love each other.” OMG.’ _

“We’ll try our best, and there’s only one way to start: we should like totally get married. Best Condiment Girlfriends Forever for Life. O-or we should go on a vacation! There are, like, so many couple things we have to do.”

“Um… Maybe we should wait a little bit…”

“We should marry at the hotel,” Pepper goes on. “We could do that right now if you want! And OJ would just sit there and watch. In fact, he’d pay for the entire thing, catering and all.”

“...I dunno; I feel like we should pay for a little bit of it.”

“I mean, whatever. We could find some way to get paid for being a couple.”

Salt grins; Pepper assumes she’s amused, based on the way she half-snickers. “That’s slightly unrealistic, though. We should be the perfect couple for a little while before we decide to do that.”

Pepper doesn’t respond as she continues. "We’d get all our favorite bands to play, like  _ Spoiled Lemon  _ and  _ Spice Girls. _ And the cake would be strawberry, your favorite!”

“Girlfrieeeeeeend, that would be  _ amazing! _ I hope you do the proposing when the day comes, though. It’s always been a dream of mine to get proposed to.”

“Trust me; the pleasure will be all mine.” Pepper kisses her lips. Her heart flutters.

_ ‘It’s a good thing she’s back on my side. For a second there she was… doubtful.’ _

Salt laughs a little. “OMG. It’ll be amazing. I can’t wait to see you in one of those cute little wedding dresses~ Or maybe even a tux, I don’t care which.”

_ ‘Usually, in my daydreams, you’re the one wearing a really elegant wedding dress. I never notice what I’m wearing because I’m too busy getting the most out of the dream that I thought would never come true…’ _

“It’ll be so special,” Pepper agrees, “Just like today wound up being.”

“I agree, it will definitely be the best~” Salt sings as she hugs her close to cuddle with her. Salt closes her eyes. Pepper employs her expert Salt-reading skills to determine that she was happy.

In bliss, Pepper lays back, taking Salt with her.

Pepper lays back, taking Salt with her. The clouds are passing in their various shapes, and there’s still a slight breeze in the air. It’s an idyllic scene, Pepper thinks.

_ ‘Nothing could be more extraordinary and special than this…’ _

Salt keeps her eyes on the clouds, gently nibbling on a sandwich as she did so. “That cloud looks like a bean…”

“I don’t see it… But there’s one shaped like an elephant right there.” Pepper has always really liked elephants; they’re her favorite animal. It only makes sense that, on the best day ever, she’d see an elephant-shaped cloud.

“...Wow… It does look like an elephant…” Salt says, glancing around for other clouds before pointing at one. “That looks like… a cherry.”

“OMG, you’re right. And that cloud over there looks kind of like the ice cream the cherry was on top of.”

“Maybe the elephant was, like, eating it.”

Pepper giggles. “Yeah, I bet. That sounds awesome.”

_ ‘It’s just like how I’ll eat our wedding cake with you. Except, the cherries will be little statues of us.’ _

Pepper turns toward Salt and hugs her arm, more or less cuddling her. She sighs with relief. “Like, wake me up when this stops being a perfect day for a nap…”

“Okay, I’ll make sure I do.” Salt closes her eyes. “While you’re at it… well, I did say that I was going to nap earlier…”

Pepper quickly drifts off to sleep, thoughts of Salt, elephants, and wedding cakes still on her mind...


	4. Get Your Act Together, We Could Be Just Fine

When Pepper finds OJ, he is sitting by the pool and reading a dumb book, as usual. She stomps over him and stands deliberately, so her shadow falls on him.

She is above him, as always.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that ignoring her would never work. He sighs and lowers his book. “Er, hi? Do you mind moving? I can’t read with you here.”

“We need to, like, talk.”

“Okay… is right here fine, or would you rather go somewhere private?”

Pepper taps herself in thought. The pool is, at the moment, surrounded by a lot of people. The Cherries are mischievously eyeing Cheesy (who’s lounging on an inflatable raft), and Pickle and Tissues are having a onesided conversation in the hot tub. Test Tube is following Knife around, explaining something nerdy (and, like, completely boring). Pepper doesn’t know nor care what they might be talking about, but Tissues isn’t sneezing at least. (She doesn’t really care, as long as he isn’t sneezing. If Salt were there, Pepper would throw Tissues out. Her heart melts at the thought of protecting her girlfriend…)

“Here is fine,” Pepper replies, then sits at the foot of his chair. “I just need to, like, borrow something.”

“What,” he closed his book, “do you need?”

“Well… it’s nothing too big…” Pepper deliberates. “Just a million dollars.”

 _“What?!_ Why?”

“I, like, need to buy something.”

OJ raises an eyebrow. “I got that. What do you need to buy?”

“Nosy, much?”

OJ glares. “If I lend you money, I have the right to know where it’s going. For all I know, you could be buying drugs.”

 _‘Maybe he has a point. Even if he’s, like, stupid and ugly.’_ Pepper crosses her arms. “It’s an engagement ring.”

OJ stares at her in shock for a moment, then laughs, dumbfounded. _“_ _What? ”_

“You heard me. Unless you don’t know what that means?” Pepper leers at him.

“But you aren’t even dating anyone.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Who _are_ you dating?”

Pepper sings, “It’s time for a guessing game~”

“Ugh. Uhhhh… Bomb?” Pepper shakes her head at OJ’s foolish guess. “Nickel? No wait, don’t tell me… Pickle?”

“Gamers aren’t my type.”

“..Salt?”

“Ding ding ding! You deserve a prize. But I don’t feel like getting one for you…”

OJ looks alarmed. “You can’t be serious. Salt confessed to me literally five hours ago. You were _there!_ ”

Pepper narrows her eyes. “I don’t like your tone. But listen here, Juicy, I know what I, like, want. There’s no reason to play games and not get married ASAP.”

“Let’s back this up,” he says. “Let’s pretend that marrying someone after one day isn’t completely mental. If I lent you the money, _how_ would you repay me? Neither of you works or- even does chores, come to think of it."

“Well, we were thinking of, like, getting people to pay us for just being celebrities. That worked out really well for-”

“You’re not fan favorites,” he interrupts.

“Ugh! Well, I don’t care. You can make the money back. Or you can, like, give it to us as a wedding gift, or whatever.”

OJ rolls his eyes. “I don’t even _have_ a million dollars. None of you guys are paying to stay here, so our only revenue is from media odds and ends, which ALL goes towards the hotel’s upkeep. I don’t have the money.”

“I’m losing my patience…”

“Fine. Instead of giving you all of the many reasons that I shouldn’t give you the money,” OJ says, “I’ll just give you one. You tripped me, just last week. Oh, I didn’t see it at the time because I _died_ from that, but I know it was you. My pettiness is _plenty_ to keep me from giving you my charity.”

He doesn't sound sorry at all, and that irritates Pepper. She raises a fist. “I don't know what you’re, like, complaining about, but I can trip you now!”

Paper ran between them. “Whoa, calm down! Pepper, can you honestly expect someone to give you a million dollars, no questions asked?”

“Nobody asked you.”

“You’re nothing but rude to OJ, all the time! If anything, _you_ owe _him_ a million dollars,” Paper goes on, annoyingly.

“Who even _are_ you?”

“I’m someone who wants things to be fair,” Paper responds, “because I don’t think you’re being very fair to OJ. He has the right to refuse service.”

“You’re _wrong_ . You’re _nobody_ but someone who doesn’t support love.” She cups her hands like a megaphone and yells, “Paper and OJ hate true love! Throw things at them!”

Nobody looks particularly incensed or reaches for something to throw. In fact, some of them are looking at her funny.

But Salt walks in the front door right then! Pepper rushes to her and clings to her arm. “Hello, bae. How was your nap?”

Salt shrugs her off. “It was totally weird. I woke up and got rained on.”

“I can’t believe there was an afternoon shower at this time of year,” Pepper says, “talk about unfair.”

“I know!”

“I have a much better shower in mind for you, though.”

“Ooh, like, what is it?”

Pepper sings, “A bridal showerrrr~”, hugging Salt close. “Would you, like, totally marry me?”

Salt laughs lightly. “Why’d you say that? We’re already married, bae…”

“Because I love you and what we have is real.” Pepper clings even tighter.

The tone is more nervous than Pepper is used to, so her bright smile fades as Salt pushes her away. “Like, are you joking?

“Do I _sound_ like I’m joking?” Pepper challenges. 

“...We just got together earlier today,” Salt comments, then bites her lip. “Don’t you think we should talk about this a little longer…?”

“No,” Pepper replies. “I already _know_ what I want, so I think we should become wives today.”

“No, we shouldn’t.”

Something inside Pepper cracks. “...W-what do you MEAN ‘no?’”

“Sorry, Pepper, I… just can’t do this today.”

Tears spring to Pepper’s eyes; black edges into her vision as her entire world comes crashing down.

“Then I better get going,” she says, beginning to charge away. Besides the sound of Pepper running, you could hear a pin drop in there for a long moment.

“Wow, that’s an argument for the seasons.” Cheesy slapped his knee. “Geddit? Because they’re seasoning?”

Someone knocked him into the pool.

XXX

Just when Pepper’s getting to the Good Part of her crying session, where you start to get too tired to feel, there’s a knock at the door. Pepper dramatically croaks, “Nobody’s home, like… go away forever.”

“I live here, too. Peppy, you can’t do this to me.”

It’s Salt’s voice. She briefly considers leaving her there, but opts to drag herself out of bed and crawl to the door.

When she faces her friend, Salt’s brow is furrowed in worry. “You’re too pretty to be on the floor like one of those short freaks.”

“Ugh…” Pepper can’t meet her gaze as she stands up, dusting herself off. “See, I listened to you! Like I always do!” 

“You literally can’t be mad at me for this. Sometimes I’m not the best friend, but today isn’t one of those days! I’m just not ready for marriage in general right now.”

“That’s not what you said to OJ."

“Mmm, yeah, but… I dunno, maybe you shouldn’t take love so seriously. If you let it consume you, it’ll just hurt you… Trust me, I’d know.” Salt’s arm snakes around her. “And I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Salt’s arm snakes around her. Pepper’s heart-rate ticks up at the contact, but she struggles to respond for entirely different reasons. “B-but I’ve always wanted this. I-I do so much to make you happy…”

“I know, but you have to do stuff to make you happy, too. WITHOUT a relationship with someone else getting in the way.” Salt gingerly wipes some of Pepper’s tears away. “You’re an amazing friend, but when was the last time _you_ picked what song we danced to?”

Pepper opens her mouth, but she can’t remember the last time they listened to her punk music and not Salt’s bright pop.

“You have to give me a chance to be a good friend, and girlfriend, which means I get what I want _sometimes,_ but-”

“Wait, you aren’t dumping me?”

Salt exclaims, “No! Like…. I just want to take things one day at a time. We can get married when the time is right for _both_ of us.”

“Oh.” Relief washes over her like a tide over seashells. She hugs Salt close. “Thank _God…_ ”

“I can’t believe you thought that. If anything, I want the exact opposite, you know?” Salt holds Pepper back. “I want to make you happy sometimes and be a good girlfriend. You don’t need to always do what I want to be fun to hang out with…”

“Are you sure?”

Salt laughs, lightly putting her hand on one of Pepper’s cheeks. “Go wash yourself up, _girlfrieeeend._ You’re way too pretty to have tears on your face.”

Salt plants a kiss on Pepper’s forehead. Pepper briefly snuggles up to her and sighs with relief. “Maybe in a bit…”

XXX

“Okay, Pepper. It’s just a day. Nothing that special about it.”

She takes a deep breath.

It’s a bold-faced lie, and she knows it. She’s very familiar with those. ...But today’s a different day.

_Today’s a day for me to be MYSELF. To listen to the music I like, to help Salt decide on our next date, maybe to cook something…’_

Pepper finishes splashing her face with water and dries it with a soft towel.

It’s so foreign to think that way after so long. But she may as well give it a try…

_‘...Meh, it can wait until later.’_

She leaves the Hotel OJ restroom and leaps into Salt’s arms as if she’d never left.


End file.
